From Across Their Walls (Behind Our Walls Trilogy Book 2) Read online

  "No talking. Not unless I ask you a question, understand?"

  He slowly nodded and she lifted the knife off his neck, keeping it available, should she need it.

  "Who are you?" she asked.

  He swallowed before answering, clearing his throat several times as if he was having trouble finding purchase with his voice.

  "Trevor. My name's Trevor."

  There was something about him, something that tugged at her mind but was too elusive to understand. It was somehow making him seem familiar, even though she had never seen him before.

  "Are you alone? You got any friends hiding out around here?"

  He shook his head, as if the question was the stupidest he had ever heard. "No...I mean, I'm alone."

  "Where are you going?"

  Another shake of the head and a half rolling of his eyes. "Doesn't really matter where we're going anymore, does it? Where is there to go? I'm just out here."

  "You don't have any supplies, where are you staying? It has to be near by."

  "A hotel in the town back that way. I just needed some fresh air."

  It was probably the stupidest place he could have chosen to stay. Any number of people likely had the same thought and were hiding out in that building. It was even more idiotic to leave all of his stuff back there and just hope for the best. Hotels were easy targets.

  "I just have one question," Heidi said. "Answer it and you can go on your way. Do you know anyone by the name of Lot Darwish?"

  He looked like he desperately wanted to say yes, and it was in that moment that she had all the answer she needed.

  "Never mind," she said as she returned the knife to her belt. She started for the road before pausing. "Just a little advice. Don't stay in hotels, you're just asking to get your ass shot off. This isn't a family vacation you're on, here."

  She turned and strode away from him, not waiting for his response. With a sinking premonition forming in her head and gut, she heard the sound of him chasing after her. She had to stay clear, not let this kid trip and fall into her path.

  "Wait!" he called out after her.

  It was the last thing she wanted to do but she also felt like she had to give in and at least try and help him. She clenched her fists, drew in what she could only hope would be a strengthening breath in the face of that one word, "wait".

  The one word from the English language that she had come to hate the most.

  -18-

  "I just need help."

  "Kid, why would you think I can even do that?" She saw him bristling somewhat as she spoke, although couldn't say for sure what part of her question had pissed him off.

  "Come on, you're clearly doing fine out here and I'm clearly not. Is it that much of a stretch? I just need help."

  She hated it when people acted like repeating themselves, over and over was the way to bring her around to their way of thinking. Looking into those familiar eyes, she felt the presence of someone but still couldn't understand what. She felt like she was ten years old, having to come up with an excuse for why she hadn't taken out the garbage that morning. Truth was, the feeling was starting to make her angry, defensive against this kid instead of the unknown presence she seemed to be responding to.

  "Let's say you join up with me and we move on from here. What happens, then? My place isn't big enough to accommodate the both of us. What do you do, then? What happens when you decide I'm not so useful anymore?"

  "Come on, you know that wouldn't happen."

  "No, I don't. If you want advice, it's not thinking that everything will just come out fine that has helped me survive for so long. Turn off the feelings, look at everything with your brain."

  "You think I don't do that already? You think I don't try to do that?"

  This was going nowhere. "Look kid, you don't—"

  "Would you stop calling me that?"

  It was astounding how much his attitude towards her had shifted after just a few minutes of talking. He was right to be angry at her, though. She was probably only a few years older than him, if that. Still, it was impossible, considering his haggard state to not take on a somewhat parental tone. Besides, he was the one who needed her so badly.

  "Whatever. You don't understand. I can't afford to just take on any random people I come across, just because they can't figure out how to—"

  "What is wrong with you?"

  The question gave her pause. After all, hadn't she liked to see herself as the opposite of everything going on in the world? The one person left who would do the right thing instead of allowing her heart to shrivel up into dust? She wanted to believe she was a good person and yet here she was, basically telling this guy to go screw. A person who needed help. And this was only minutes after she had been holding a knife to his throat.

  "Look, I'm sorry, all right? I know how hard it is out here, but I can't help you. No one can help any of us. Anyone who's left behind is basically screwed, no matter where they are or who they're with. Just find somewhere you can lay low and stay out of trouble...but not hotels." She turned her back on him.

  "Wait! Please don't leave me alone out here."

  She had to admit to it. She did want to take off and leave him far behind, outside the range of her sight and memory. Letting him tag along would only end up with her sharing his fate.

  "Please?"

  It was the most cliché moment she had ever found herself in. Staring into those lost eyes. Something in there tugged at her memory, staring out, pleading for whatever help she might be able to give him. Why was she even considering it? Could she ever really trust that this guy wasn't playing her and was waiting for the right moment to get past her defenses and kill her? And even though he looked like he was barely strong enough to stand, what would he look like and what kind of a threat would he be after a week of tender care, when he had his strength back? Maybe there was a group he was scamming for and would lead her to them, right into a trap. There were plenty of people out here who were capable of playing the victim in order to get what they wanted.

  "I'm not asking you to show me your hideout or anything. I don't expect you to give me anything or just trust me for no reason."

  He was saying all the right things which of course made her trust him even less.

  "I just need someone to talk to for a while. Just for a few days and help me make better choices. Because as it is, I don't think I'm going to last much longer."

  He wasn't wrong about that.

  "Look kid...Trevor. Sorry. Trevor. Where are you from? How the hell did you end up out here by yourself?"

  "Is it really that important?"

  "Kind of, yeah. You're asking me to put a lot of trust in you, right? This certainly isn't getting off on the right footing."

  He paused as if considering.

  "So, I tell you what you want and you'll help me?"

  "No, I'm not promising anything. It's just a question. The only thing I can guarantee is that I will walk away from here if you don't answer it. Why are you being so secretive about it?"

  "I'm not! I just..."

  Heidi waited in vain for the punchline. "You just...what?"

  "You know, maybe it isn't the easiest thing in the world for me to talk about. Is it really that hard to imagine why this is hard?"

  "Sure. About as easy as it would be for me to take someone in who I don't know anything about. Someone who might knife me the second I turned my back? Do you mean hard, like that?"

  His chest deflated, and it seemed for at least a moment that he was ready to concede the point. He brought his hands up to rub his arms and she also started to take note of the chill in the air. Before she could respond, she began to feel the pin-pricks of rain falling and heard thunder rolling softly as well.

  Nodding towards the gas station, she spoke. "Come on. We clearly have some time. How about we tell each other a little more about who the hell we are and then maybe we can make a decision."

  -19-

  "My dad was a college professor," Trevo
r said after they settled down next to the door. "It was just the three of us. Me, Dad and my sister. I don't know where my mom is. She took off pretty much as soon as she was healthy enough after Tammy was born."

  Heidi nodded and crossed her arms, thinking of the photograph that had been the only contact she had ever had with her mother.

  "When this all started, we were just leaving for a camping trip. We were coming out of the Twin Cities so we were already well out of major areas when the roads got all clogged up. All we had was a little handheld radio for news and alerts. Dad was kind of a freak when it came to technology. No cell phones. No tablets. We had to leave all of it at home for the trip. I was sure that Tammy would have smuggled something into her bag but I guess she actually respected his wishes. Considering how things ended up, I kind of wish she hadn't."

  Heidi wanted to probe further, to get more information but didn't think the kid would take well to questions. Better to just let him take this at his own pace and not worry about how much she got along the way. He seemed to be building himself up to something and she didn't want to derail him over details that were probably insignificant.

  "We should have just stayed at the campgrounds. We should have, but you never know at the time when something like this is going to happen. How were we supposed to know that the world was about to burn up? People around us at other sites started losing their shit over the news of bombs going off around the world, and after that it was off to the races, you know? Dad thought there was a National Guard center to the south of us and that people were supposed to go there if there was a natural disaster of some kind. Probably should have occurred to us that there was nothing natural about what was going on."

  "There was no way to know what was about to happen," Heidi said. He had already said as much but she wanted to reinforce the point.

  Trevor nodded. "I suppose not. Still, it's a lot easier to look back and shit all over the bad decisions you make after the fact. We should have stayed at the campgrounds."

  "Your dad took you to where he thought you were going to be safe," Heidi said. "We can't always be on the right side of a judgment call."

  "You don't understand. I blame myself! For everything that happened. My dad drove us straight into that place because he needed to believe that there were people out there who would take care of us. I knew it wasn't going to happen. I knew he was chasing a pipe dream. I knew we were making a mistake but I didn't say anything!"

  "Trevor, you have to calm down. Focus on your words. Focus on what you're saying and just get it out."

  It sounded stupid. Easier said than done. Still, it was a mantra that had helped her in the past. The mind was as powerful as you wanted to make it. If the right amount of will was there, a lot could be silenced and shut out.

  "He drove us to that Guard outpost. And at first, we thought it was all going to be okay. There were reports of nukes going off in country, and that we would be kept secured until the threat passed." He laughed as he said this but Heidi could also see him tearing up. "When the threat had passed. They were the threat, more than any bomb going off. Honestly, I almost wish that a bomb had just wiped us out. It'd be better than walking alone through this graveyard of a planet by myself."

  She winced at the dig he had likely not intended, feeling the stab of guilt, even knowing that she couldn't really help him.

  "I don't know how long we were there. Maybe a week. Maybe more. I don't know for sure. They were keeping us in a kind of dormitory style room. Big cafeteria with no windows and a bunch of cots. It was just another night of shitty army rations when we started to hear gunfire outside. I didn't know at the time what it was. I know now. Some kid came into the room. A kid in a uniform. He looked like he had maybe just graduated from high school. We thought he was going to escort us to another location, but it was clear pretty quick that something else was happening."

  "No." Heidi suspected where this was going but couldn't accept that any real soldier could go so far.

  "He just started shooting. The rifle came up and he unloaded. Bam! Bam! Bam!" He got a little louder with each repetition until Heidi was wincing with each one. He took no note of her reaction. "We tried to run but there was nowhere to go. Only one exit and we would have had to go through him."

  He stopped talking and his eyes glazed, the memory taking over for a moment. Heidi waited as he lifted one hand to wipe off both cheeks before carrying on.

  "Tammy was screaming for me until one of the bullets hit her in the throat. Right in front of me. The last thing she said to me was, 'I don't want to die.'"

  Heidi felt the sting of tears herself but said nothing.

  "My dad went in to some kind of rage. He must have thought he was going to have this big heroic moment. Maybe he wasn't thinking at all. I don't think he even registered who I was in those last moments. Everything took a backseat to whatever he needed, right then. I passed out. That's all I can guess because at some point I just woke up on the floor. The guy must have thought I was dead, I guess. Or he didn't care enough to check that closely. I stumbled out of there and just started walking. I go in big circles, trying to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to be doing."

  She finally heard a real crack of emotion in his recitation as his voice failed him. He shook his head, looking up at her through the tears that were now flowing heavily.

  "I'm all alone out here. I just need a little help."

  -20-

  There was more. Had to be. The timing of his story meant that he had been out on his own for at least a year. She refused to believe he had just been walking in circles this entire time. What other people had he encountered? What had he been living off of? How had he survived this long? For as much as he claimed to need her help, he had clearly been doing all right for himself.

  The questions bounced around as she struggled to come up with what to say. She wanted to ask but she also didn't want to risk pissing him off. The pain and the fear in his voice was clear. There was no way he could be faking or lying about that. Maybe this was just a case of fatigue, finally brought on after all this time. Whatever the cause, it seemed like his need to offload his emotions was more important than her getting a completely clear picture.

  "I still don't understand what you want from me," she finally said. "What is it you think I'm going to be able to do for you that you haven't already done for yourself?"

  "I don't know." His voice was quiet, defeated. "I guess you just make me feel comfortable. I know that's probably creepy to say to you, we've never met, but when I'm around you, I don't feel as much of the anxiety."

  "Okay. But we're going to have to part ways eventually. You understand that, right?"

  "I know." He said it, but the truth was nowhere to be seen behind his tone and she couldn't help but think that this was all just an elaborate attempt to get his toe in the door and keep it from closing on him. "But there's no reason why you can't just let me stick around with you for a few days, is there? If it's helping me, isn't that what's important? Can't you just do this one thing?"

  "The problem is that I don't know how big that one thing is going to end up being."

  "But I still don't—"

  "Trevor." She tried to soften her tone, tried to ease him down gently, placing a hand on his shoulder as she looked him in the eyes. "You need to give yourself more credit. You've made it through a lot of miles and a lot of shit to get where you are now. I've been spending most of my time in a secured location but you've been up here and exposed this whole time. You wouldn't have been able to do that if you were weak."

  He shook his head as if he wanted to argue the point and shifted his gaze to the floor.

  "You can't lean on people anymore. That's not the world we have now. You have to look down in yourself and you're already doing that. Be smart. Avoid people and stay out of the way of trouble. Up here in these parts, it's a lot easier to avoid trouble than it is for it to find you."

  He snorted at her comment. "You think I don't know that
I can't lean on people anymore? You're certainly giving me enough proof of that. A few months ago, I came across some football stadium near here."

  Heidi felt her blood run cold. That place always seemed to creep back into her world. Of course he had been to that fucking place. And of course they had turned him away.

  "I walked all around it but all the entrances had been sealed off. I know there were people inside. I caught sight of them up on the wall, peeking down at me. But no matter how much I screamed and hollered, nobody would come out to help me. Not one. Goddammed. Person."

  He stopped, looking like he wanted to say more but denied himself the privilege. Then, after several moments his eyes seemed to glaze over slightly as he nodded, if not in agreement, maybe at least in acceptance.

  "Do you understand what I'm—"

  "Just forget it." His tone of pleading had shifted rapidly to cold resentment.

  "What do you mean?"

  He looked at her and again she saw the dimming in his eyes as if the lights were being turned off. He pushed off the wall to his feet and started shuffling towards the door.

  "Wait, I didn't mean you had to just leave, I—"

  "What's the point?" He said it to her without turning. "Just more of the same. Another day with someone else just telling me to march."

  The phrase cut straight through her, nearly the same as had been the code from her father that it was time to run, without question. And with one last twist of the dagger, it finally settled in what about Trevor had caught her attention, without even realizing what she was seeing.

  His eyes.

  Those eyes had been nearly the exact same shade of blue that she had always been drawn to in her father. It was like he was peeking out at her from the beyond, from the inside of this kid's body.

  His statement was the last thing she heard from him as he yanked the door open and stepped out. She felt the stabbing pain of guilt, but what was she supposed to do? She couldn't be everybody's savior.