Behind Our Walls Page 4

  "We'll start getting our things together," Rowen said. "Get what supplies we can use and assuming she's up to it, we'll plan on heading out in the morning."

  James nodded and left the room. Sophie stood up to follow, not because she wanted to talk to her father, but because she didn't want to have to listen to Rowen trying to make her feel better. She wanted to be alone to regroup her emotions and her sense of control. Before Rowen could stop her, she walked out of the house and took the narrow path leading off into the woods. All she wanted to do was walk and be alone.

  That night, for the first time the house lay in silence and while Sophie heard some crying from Corrine's room, there was nothing close to the cutting screams from all the previous nights. Sophie crept in, sure that there should have been at least a softening of the ice. Corrine would have calmed down by now and would listen to reason. Despite everything, Sophie still wanted to at least try to provide some comfort for her sister.

  "What do you want?" She was greeted by the cold, flat-toned question before she had even fully entered the room.

  "Corrine, I'm sorry, I just want to—"

  "There's nothing to talk about so you might as well just leave. Dad already brought me up to date."

  "Look, I can't tell you how sorry I am about Adam, we all wish that things could have gone differently but—"

  "You don't say his name."

  "What?"

  "Don't ever say his name. I don't want to hear it from you."

  "Corrine, come on, what do you want from me? Are you just going to blame me for this forever?"

  "That's my business, Sophie. How I feel is up to me and you don't get to control that. You led this family off on this crazy expedition and two people are dead. If you won't accept any responsibility for that, fine. But I'm still holding you to it."

  "So what are we going to do then? Just be pissed at each other? How are we going to make it like that?"

  "I just don't want to be around you. I'll do what I can, help us stay safe. But I don't want to have anything else to do with you. Just stay out of my way. I just want to put this stain of a house behind me and never look back."

  Sophie nodded. She had no idea how long this cold war was going to go on between the two of them, but she would have to continue riding it out. Eventually Corrine would have to come back to reality. She could be fooling herself, but it was the only thing left she had to hold on to, the only hope left to strive for.

  Stepping out into the hall, Sophie closed the door and went back to the living room to resume packing for the following day's departure.

  -11-

  Sophie woke up on the couch, lost in a cloud of black smoke. The taste of it crept down into her throat, and when she sat up to draw breath, she ended up doubled over, hacking out what air was available. She rolled off the couch, onto the floor and into the tiniest pocket of fresh air that still remained. Reaching around with her hand, she somehow had the presence of mind to find the straps of her backpack and pull it to her. Rowen was yelling out something to her, but she couldn't understand what he was saying. She shook her head and tried to focus, to remember her bearings. The couch was less than twenty feet from the front door. Just move forward three or four feet, turn left and head for it.

  She took in a deep breath and stood up. Climbing over the coffee table, she took two more strides and turned. Through the haze of smoke, she could just make out the vague shape of the door and the daylight that lay beyond. She waved her hand back and forth, trying to clear the smoke away as she made her way out, already coughing and wheezing from the effort. Her feet got tangled up in each other and she pitched forward, hitting her forehead roughly against the floor. Seeing stars, she gritted her teeth and pulled herself forward until she felt the door frame underneath her. She struggled for a new grip when a set of hands reached around her, pulled her up and out.

  The fresh air tasted sweet in her mouth, but as she tried to draw in a full breath, she felt the burning in her throat and her midsection began to cramp. She bent down, in the arms of whoever held her and was vaguely aware of heaving up what food was in her stomach. As they made their way down the steps of the porch her vision clarified. Rowen carried her away from the house, James staggering along as well. Behind them she saw the house, now engulfed in raging fire.

  Rowen saw the look on her face and smirked, nodding behind her as he did so. She turned and saw Corrine, looking up at the house as if she was a kid at a drive-in movie theater. She pushed at Rowen to get him to put her down and ran up to her.

  "Did you do this?" she asked. "Did you start that fire?"

  "Who the hell cares?" Corrine asked in response. "It isn't like we were going to be staying here."

  "You started that fire! What the hell is wrong with you?"

  Rowen held her back, trying to separate the two of them. "Stop," he said, "We need to get clear of the area. That smoke is going to attract anyone from miles around, we need to get out of here."

  "Why did you do it?" Sophie asked, already feeling her throat going hoarse from yelling. She wanted to reach out and smack her, anything to wipe that indignant, entitled look off of her face.

  "I don't want that house to stand here for another minute!" Corrine yelled back, getting right up in her face. "You don't understand what that piece of shit did to me, what he was about to do to you. Who knows how many other times it happened here before he got his dirty, fucking hands on us and I am ending it!"

  "Corrine, the guy is dead."

  "I don't care! This place needs to end. I did what I had to do. If you don't like it, that's just tough shit."

  "Corrine," Sophie said, trying to understand what was going on in her head, what she could possibly be thinking. She needed to break through to her. "Corrine. You set fire to that house while we were still in it!"

  She thought that would be the end of it, the emotional straw that would break her. Instead, Corrine's expression managed to get even more stoic and withdrawn. She stared through Sophie, as if she wasn't even there.

  "You got out."

  Sophie pulled her backpack tighter around her and stalked up the driveway to the main road. She had to get away, just so she could clear her head and get out of this head space of wanting to reach down her sister's throat and yank every last bitchy cell out of her body. She wanted to hit her, and keep hitting her until Corrine saw reason. If they were going to stay alive, they needed to support each other, and that was the last thing she wanted to do at the moment. She had to get past this, or they would end up in a much worse place than she could imagine.

  -12-

  Sophie looked up into the late afternoon sky and listened to the crickets and cicadas. There was a time when she found the sound to be soothing, but now it just seemed to foretell of something looming ahead of them. Rowen walked alongside her, and she could hear Corrine and James shuffling behind. She hadn't known that footsteps could sound indignant. It had been over a week since the fire but as much as she tried to move on, Corrine took nearly every opportunity to snip away at Sophie's patience.

  "It's almost nighttime, we need to stop soon," Corrine said from behind them. It occurred to Sophie that they didn't have anywhere to stop other than the woods, but she kept her thoughts to herself, glancing at Rowen to see if he agreed.

  He glanced at her and nodded. "Probably a good idea."

  She cringed at the thought of halting their march and having to put up with the other two for another night. At least when they were on the move, they didn't bother her as much. Once they stopped and there was time to fester, all of the attitudes would come marching out. It was unbearable to see her father's willful deterioration. None of them had bathed, but for some reason he seemed to generate even more of a foul odor. His clothes hung off of him, torn badly in several places. He refused the offer of new clothes which Sophie had found for him, simply shaking his head and limping off.

  They made their way closer to a dense grove of trees. James wandered off for a few minutes and returned
with an armful of wood to start a fire. He dropped it at their feet and reached into his pocket for a lighter but Rowen put a hand up to stop him.

  "Wait," he said, turning his head away before the look of annoyed incredulity appeared on James' face. Rowen took a small hand shovel from his bag and began to dig. He went down for several feet before taking the wood and dumping it in. "Less chance of people seeing it in the dark anyway." James sat down without a word of gratitude and within minutes was lying down, with his back to them. Corrine sat with her knees pulled up to her chest, staring into the fire, not acknowledging the other two or showing any interest in speaking.

  "I wish you would at least say something," Sophie said to her. She didn't even look up. "I just wish you—"

  Corrine stood up before she could finish and walked off towards the trees.

  "I don't think it's a good idea to wander off like—" Rowen reached out to try and stop her, but Sophie shook her head.

  "There's no point. She's not going to listen to either one of us. Just let her go, she'll be all right eventually."

  "Sure, unless there's someone wandering around out there and—"

  "Would you shut the hell up about it?" James snapped at them with his back still turned. "If she wants to walk off into the God dammed woods, then let her do it."

  "Daddy," Sophie said, grabbing on to whatever frayed patience she had left. It didn't matter what she would have said anyway as the sound of his snoring made its way over to them. She shook her head and huddled up to the fire pit.

  The minutes ticked past slowly as she felt her senses begin to dull. Just as she felt on the verge of sleep, she looked up at the sound of branches snapping, thinking that maybe Corrine had made her way back but it was a deer, frozen in mid stride. It cocked its head, as if surprised at their presence and for the barest moment, Sophie imagined that she saw a look of smug satisfaction on the animal's face, at the proof it now saw of the natural playing field being leveled. Before she could voice that thought however, it turned and darted back into the trees. Rowen turned back to her, showing no indication that he had noticed.

  "When we left home..." he trailed off and she sat there in silence. He had yet to really talk about himself in any way, but as much as she wanted to hear about it, she also didn't want to pressure him. "When we left, I didn't say anything to the girls because I didn't want to scare them."

  "You had daughters?" She knew this much already, but it felt natural to ask anyway.

  He nodded. "Two of them. Their mother disappeared years ago. After the bomb went off...I figured that things were pretty much finished, at least the way we knew it. We were already seeing signs of rovers making their way around neighborhoods and looting houses."

  She shook her head. "Rovers". Leave it to society to come up with a cute name for nothing more than looters, making their way around the country, killing and taking whatever they wanted. There was no point. No value to anything anymore. It didn't matter if it was gold, or money, diamonds or jewels. It was all worthless. Of course, that wasn't going to stop people from taking as many things as they could get their hands on. Wouldn't keep a family from getting gunned down for their television, even though most places probably didn't even have the electricity to turn it on.

  "I had to go to the bathroom."

  Sophie looked at him, confused by the declaration as his voice sounded like it was about to break.

  "When it happened. We pulled off the road, so I could jog down to the trees to have a piss. The girls claimed that they didn't have to go. I almost insisted that they come along but I figured, what's the worst that could happen?"

  She didn't like where this was heading.

  "There was a truck that had pulled off onto the shoulder, trying to pass the traffic that was backed up. Maybe someone got pissed at them for trying to cut ahead, I don't know. But whatever happened, the truck was on fire. The entire cab was just fire coming out of every window, bombing on down the road. I don't know how it even managed to make it around the bend." He paused again and Sophie kept her gaze fixed on the ground, not wanting to press him. "Anyway, it came flying down, right where I had left the car parked. It hit and...I don't think they ever had a...he hit the car and..." He was crying now and Sophie saw that he had produced a photograph, staring at it in clutched fingers.

  Sophie's eyes welled up with her own sudden, hot tears. She swiped the back of one hand across her face and looked up to see him staring at her.

  "I don't know what to say," she said. "I'm so sorry. I wish...I don't even know what I wish. I'm sorry, it sounds stupid."

  Rowen only shook his head, dismissing her statement as he tucked the picture back into his breast pocket. She took hold of his hand and squeezed it. He returned the grip, but kept his gaze fixed on the horizon.

  "So you really think it's over?" she asked. "This is it for us?"

  He finally looked back at her and there might have been a half of a smile on his lips. "I just meant things the way they used to be. I don't think there's no hope. Things are going to be shit for a while, maybe a long time. But eventually things have to re-shuffle and level out."

  She wanted to believe him.

  "We might never see it," he said. "Eventually though, people have to find their routines again. And maybe in the long run, it'll be for the best. Maybe equalizing the gap between people, and taking money out of the equation is what we needed to show us what really has value."

  She tried to think of a response but before she could, Rowen lay down and closed his eyes. She resumed scanning the trees, looking for Corrine but seeing nothing. Knowing her sister though, she was probably just sitting off behind a tree somewhere. As night ascended above them, she sat witness over her family. She would wait until Rowen woke up to keep a watch himself, and then she would try to sleep.

  -13-

  "Where the hell is she?" Sophie glared into the woods, raising her voice even louder on the off chance that Corrine could hear her and was just being difficult.

  "Just try and relax," Rowen said. "I'm sure she's fine. If something had happened, we probably would have heard it."

  She shook her head and stood up, striding towards the woods and glancing up at the sky. Rowen turned to try and figure out what she was looking at and eventually seemed to read her thoughts.

  "It's way too dark for you to wander around looking for her," he said.

  "We've got flashlights, we might as well use them."

  "Right, so you can attract attention from anyone walking within a—"

  "I don't care! Don't you think she deserves our help if she needs it? What if she was—"

  They both looked up at the sudden sound of footsteps from the woods. Sophie started jogging towards her sister, but stopped as she noticed the man walking behind her. His attempts to put them at ease were obvious, but for some reason the smile and hand raised in greeting put her more on edge.

  "Who the hell are you?" she called out. She braced herself for whatever demand this guy was about to make in order to get Corrine back. She could sense Rowen tensing for any opportunity that might present itself.

  "Take it easy folks," he slowly put his hands up to try and pacify them. He looked to be about Rowen's age, short but lean, with close cropped black hair. He looked vaguely Middle Eastern in his complexion."I'm not any kind of a threat to you. Your sister sort of stumbled across our camp, and I offered to help get her back to you all."

  "Who are you?" Rowen asked.

  "Name's Lot, pleasure meeting you."

  "Uh-huh," Rowen said. Sophie glanced at him and saw that he was looking past Lot, into the trees for anyone else out there lurking in the darkness.

  Lot smiled and nodded. "It's okay. I understand. I'd probably feel the same way so I'll tell you what. You can find our group about a mile down the road, that way." He pointed off in the direction they had come from. "I'd suggest sticking to the forest though. Make your way along the edge of the trees and you'll be harder to spot."

  "Thanks for th
e tip." Rowen's voice took on an icy tone, clearly not appreciating what he already considered obvious.

  Lot kept his hands up and began backing away."No problem. If you want to join up with us, you're more than welcome. You're clearly able to handle yourselves, if you've gotten by for this long. But if you want to have some more people around watching your back, we'll be down there for probably another day or two."

  They watched him move off towards the woods until he vanished into the darkness.

  Sophie whirled on Corrine. "Where the hell have you been?"

  "Would you just—"

  "No, I will not let it go, or whatever bullshit you're about to spout off at me. You have no business wandering alone out there. What would have happened if that had been a bunch of rovers you tripped over?"

  "Well, they weren't," Corrine said, crossing her arms in front of her as she did so.

  "Corrine, do you want to get killed? Is that it? Do you want to die?"

  "You don't know what you're talking about."

  "I think I do. Why can't you just tell us? Admit that it's what you want and—"

  "Of course it's what she wants." The sound of James' voice turned all of their heads. He had risen to his feet and looked more lucid than Sophie had seen in him in months. She opened her mouth to respond but found that she actually had no idea what she could say or what he had even meant. James shouldered his way between Sophie and Rowen and walked to his youngest daughter.

  "She lost her fiancé. Do you have any idea what that feels like? To have every reason for your being ripped away from you?"

  "Daddy," Sophie began to say.

  "Because if you're planning on telling us you do understand...well then at least we know that the problem is that you're a fucking liar."

  "Daddy!" It wasn't his words that cut through her as much as his tone, nonchalant and matter-of-fact, as if he was explaining to his class about the implications of H.P. Lovecraft's emphasis of descriptive language over dialog.