Behind Our Walls

  Contents

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Chapter Forty

  Chapter Forty-One

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Chapter Fifty

  Chapter Fifty-One

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  Chapter Fifty-Seven

  Chapter Fifty-Eight

  Chapter Fifty-Nine

  Introduction

  Before

  Tomorrow's Memory

  And After

  Acknowledgments

  Other Works

  Borrowed Time

  A Shade For Every Season

  Future Releases

  Copyright

  Behind Our

  Walls

  Chad A. Clark

  For A & P

  My fellow scribblers.

  You know who you are.

  -1-

  A dime.

  The absurd, almost alien thought came to Sophie as she looked into the tiny, crimson hole, centered perfectly between her mother's eyes. If she tried, she could probably work a dime into that little hole. And as she thought this, the misting of blood in the air still wafted down around them. The heavy, coppery taste in her mouth

  The blood in her mouth.

  Her mother's blood.

  For the rest of her life, Sophie would look back on those moments following the sound of the gunshot and would only see still images, a memorialized recording of her worst moments. She saw the bullet hole in the glass, the simple hole with the spiderweb of cracks running off in all directions. She saw the limp body of her sister on the seat where she had passed out, while Adam tried to wake her up. She saw the gaping yaw of her father's mouth, frozen open in a scream that likely sounded earth shattering to him, but to the rest of them was nothing but a mute expression of pain. She saw Rowen, stepping out of the car and producing a gun that she wasn't even aware he had.

  These images flashed and swirled around her, so rapidly that it almost tricked her into thinking that she saw movement instead of flashes. If she put her mind back, she could still feel the sharp pain in her arm as Rowen grabbed it, pulling her out of the car. She could still see the explosion of stars as the side of her head impacted against the frame. She felt it, but whenever she searched back, there was no playback of the event actually happening. It was as if she had simply left herself behind. Her mother's body was slumped against the passenger side window, frozen forever with the look of obliviousness to the near proximity of her own death.

  Sophie didn't know how they got away from the troops, since Rowen seemed to be the only one who had kept it together. Somehow he managed to lead them all to safety, while returning fire at the same time.

  But the taste of blood lingered.

  Her mother's face hovered in front of her, a black and white image, cloudy and distorted as if the features themselves were already departing from her conscious mind. She had lost one of the anchors that kept her tethered for her entire life, gone in the blink of an eye. A short, high-pitched sound like someone dropping a test tube on the floor. The sound of glass breaking, and an explosion inside the car. All of it marked her mother's end in this world.

  When she blinked, she saw that they were still lying on the side of the road, Rowen looking into her eyes and shouting as he shook her. Sweat dripped off of him, his exhaustion clear. The thought came into her mind that he must have carried each and every one of them to the side of the road. She frowned at the sound of his voice and the words that she could only partially understand.

  "You...to hel...me!"

  Normally her mother would be the clear headed one, the one who gave them direction and held everything together. Now this man in the green army jacket, who they had just picked up on the side of the road not two days ago, he was the one telling them what to do. Her mother couldn't do it anymore.

  The reality of the death crept in, and Sophie finally identified the hysterical sobbing she heard as her own. Tremors ran up and down her back as the force of the crying took hold, denying her any conscious control of her muscles.

  She cried out at sudden pain in her shoulders, a burning agony of large hands gripping her tightly. She could feel the fingers, probably leaving indentations on her skin and looked up into the sound of his voice.

  "SOPHIE!"

  Now she felt the crispness in the air, the moan of the wind, and the sporadic barking of gunfire. She didn't know why they were taking so long, but it was only a matter of time before the troops advanced and found them. They had to get out, and quickly.

  The forest loomed behind them, darkness clawing out in an ominous warning but in the end, it remained their only option. Adam carried Corrine, evidently coming back to reality at least a little. Her father leaned against Rowen for support as he walked. The arm that wasn't pinned up against Rowen swung lazily, as if he no longer had control over it, drifting back and forth like some kind of untethered pendulum.

  She saw hopelessness in that arm.

  As they made their way deeper into the forest, the sound of the gunfire diminished behind them. Either the soldiers hadn't seen them pass between the trees or it wasn't worth the effort to chase them.

  But despite the victory, she knew how short lived it would all be. This would not be the last time there would be danger in their road and likely not the last time they saw death. It flourished all around her now, in the air and on the ground. It loomed in the trees overhead and oozed from the ground below.

  It was in the taste of her mother's blood, which from that day forward would always be lingering in her mouth.

  -2-

  SIX MONTHS LATER

  Sophie rubbed her arms and pulled the blanket tighter around her. Even with the five of them crowded into the back room of the tiny gas station, there was still very little body heat to share. What little comfort there was only came from being out of the wind. Rowen huddled up against a shelving unit of cleaning supplies but seemed lost in his own mental fog. James, Corrine and Adam were all asleep, leaning up against the wall across from her. Outside, she could hear wind whipping over the building. With the windows painted over, it wasn't hard to imagine
an alien landscape out there, no longer hospitable to them. Occasionally there would be the sounds of a car or motorcycle but the weather turned consistently bad enough that few people were out on the roads.

  They found it in early December, a little station off of Route 66, a place that might have thrived once if you still lived in the Nat King Cole song. It now stood as a stubborn shade of days long gone, not too different from themselves anymore. Sophie hadn't wanted to stop, but eventually Rowen convinced her that it was better to err on the side of caution. They wouldn't want to be caught out in the open when the weather hit, with nowhere to go. It was as safe as they were going to find. Rowen found enough raw materials in the surrounding buildings to be able to block off both the doors and entrance. They had to make do with what was on hand.

  Her life had become a daily assault on multiple fronts. She struggled to keep her father's spirits up as he seemed to spiral downward even farther into his own private hell. She fought in vain against the growing resentment from Corrine who seemed to have chosen her as a scapegoat. Adam seemed to be resentful of her on a daily basis, mostly out of support for Corrine. And with the three of them departing into the orbits of their own issues, she and Rowen had been left with the responsibility of keeping them safe. Sophie shivered, and scooted closer to Rowan. They couldn't start a fire, for fear of tipping off anyone outside. Rowen wouldn't even let them light a candle during the nighttime unless it was in the back room, with the door closed to eliminate the possibility of the flame being seen. Laying low had been working for them in the sense of their physical safety, but it was also tedious and made their lives extremely difficult. Still, she had to trust him. It was the only way they were going to get through this.

  But get through to what? It was the question that she kept coming back to and the one which she kept consciously ignoring. Was there anything that existed on the other side of this? Was there any chance of them getting back to any kind of a life, other than this horrible nightmare? She wanted to say yes, that society had to be able to find a way to bring things back, but the fear in her said no, it wasn't possible.

  Maybe they would spend the rest of their lives in this gas station.

  For their short-term needs, it functioned pretty well. She and Rowan had gone to a nearby grocery store and brought back as many cases of canned food as they could carry. She was getting tired of cold ravioli and soup, and every time they cracked open one of the cans she caught herself wondering if she was going to make herself sick by eating it unheated. It wasn't something she ever gave thought to when she was younger but again, that was a time when such a thing as doctors and hospitals still existed.

  At least finding water wasn't a problem. The snow had been falling heavily and they were able to collect it and melt it inside. They only drank when they needed it, and so far everybody seemed healthy. As healthy as could be expected anyway.

  Rowen stirred beside her, and she realized that he had finally made the return trip from his zombie-like state.

  "Are you all right?" he asked. "Do you need another blanket?"

  She thought it was funny that he still referred to them as blankets, as if they had bought them at the box store on their way to their bungalow to wait out the winter. The "blankets" had come from a stock of car emergency kits that had been on hand, but it was almost like he willfully refused to acknowledge their worthlessness. She had simply come to accept that there was a certain chill in the bones that would always be present.

  "How much longer do you think we'll need to stay here?" she asked.

  "You're not going to like the answer," Rowen said, glancing over at the others to make sure they were still asleep.

  "What?"

  He shifted into a sitting position and rubbed his hands together, blowing on them to try and get his circulation going. "I know this is awful. I hate it probably more than you do, it's been a long time since I've slept on a floor."

  "But?"

  "But we're as safe here as we could possibly be anywhere else. We're out of the elements and we stashed up enough food before the weather turned that as long as we're careful about the rationing, we can make it until spring."

  She shook her head and tried hugging her knees to her chest. "It's February."

  "I know. Spring is a long way off but we need to make sure the weather doesn't end up stranding us somewhere even worse. You've lived in this part of the country long enough to know what it's like in the winter. Out of nowhere, it'll start getting nice and you think it's done and all of a sudden there's a blizzard."

  "So how long?"

  "I'd say April. At that point, if there are any last snowstorms, it's usually melted by the next day."

  "What if more people wander by before then?"

  "I don't think they will. This road is pretty isolated, just a two lane blacktop and there isn't much around in terms of other towns, so we probably won't see that many people coming out this way."

  "But what if we do?"

  "We'll have to re-evaluate."

  Rowen reached to his right and grabbed the atlas. On the map of the US, he had taken a marker and scribbled over most of the eastern and western states, leaving about half of the country in the center as the only regions that were likely safe from fallout.

  "We're about as far away as we can get from either radiation zone," he said as he looked over the map again. Sophie wondered if he thought he would find new information if he stared at it long enough. "It would be nice if we could find somewhere more permanent. This will work for what we need right now but it's too exposed to be used in the long term."

  Sophie nodded, but she found her attention drifting, pining for the feel of a hot cup of coffee in her hand. That wasn't coming back any time soon.

  "We'll find somewhere," Rowen said. She nodded and looked up at him, wanting to think that he was right, but on the inside fearing that the day would come when they would look back on this and wish that they had been more grateful for what little they did have.

  -3-

  Sophie pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned back against the wall, listening to the wind howling outside. It was snowing for the third night in a row and the snowdrifts against the back wall now made opening the door impossible. At least with the snow outside, she could feel comfortable that there would be no one walking past that could discover them.

  Except, was that the sound of snow crunching underneath boots?

  She shook her head and banged it against the wall behind her. Light exploded around her and helped bring her somewhat back to reality. It was below freezing and the middle of a driving blizzard. No one would be out in conditions like this. They would end up dead before morning.

  The walls groaned from the building settling, or possibly from someone walking across the roof. There was no way anyone could have gotten up there, but she certainly couldn't ignore the possibility. She caught sight of her foot, creeping out and ready to kick Rowen out of his slumber so that he could protect her from whoever lurked up there. At the last minute, her reason won out. There was no one on the roof. She heard the groaning sound again and this time she almost called out, clamping a hand over her mouth to stifle the sound and reign in her panic. From the other side of the station, she heard a groan and watched as Corrine shifted slightly in her sleep. Sophie shifted her gaze back up to the ceiling, sure that something was about to bore through from the outside and descend down on them.

  Her eyes burned from being open for so long. She couldn't remember the last time she had gotten a good long stretch of sleep. It should be easier in here. They had plenty of supplies and for the most part, the comfort of relative safety. The worst part was the cold, but after a while even that became tolerable. Still, her mind would not stop or slow down enough to accommodate any restful moments.

  Sophie's head snapped up as something collided with the front door. It could have been debris, knocked around by the wind but it sounded like someone banging an open palm against the door, yelling over the wind to try
and find out if anyone was in here. Maybe they were getting ready to break in. Maybe this was how she was going to die, on the floor of a dirty gas station with a dumbfounded look on her face.

  "Are you okay?" Rowen's slurred voice came from underneath the paper thin blanket he had stretched over himself. She looked down at him and shrugged. He was already breathing heavily anyway, it wasn't like anything she said was going to get through. She just had to toughen up and try to sleep.

  Still, when she pressed an ear to the wall, amidst the wind and the snow outside, she could still hear the hushed sounds of people talking, laughing and carrying on out there in the storm. They were talking about her, about the things they were going to do to her and her family once they got in here. It was only a matter of time before it was going to happen. They were going to break down that door and it would all be over.

  Sophie reached up, took one of her earlobes between two fingers and pinched as hard as she could. Burning pain shot through her neck and she bit down on her arm to keep from crying out. Still, the voices subsided into the background of the storm as if they had never been.

  She was alone.

  They were alone.

  The world out there was barren, and she couldn't be hurt by the grumblings and movements of the long dead, trying to shake her out of her sanity. She had to be stronger than that. She was stronger than that.

  All she had to do was keep telling herself that.

  After all, they only had maybe two more months left to survive in this tiny little building.

  She was strong enough.

  -4-

  Sophie walked back into the station to make sure there was nothing else left behind that they could use. She had only been outside for fifteen minutes, but the smell which she hadn't been aware of until now made her double over, close to being sick. They had lived in this building for months and from the odor, it could have been much longer. She supposed that this could have been as good a defense as any, had anyone actually tried to break in.